"Psalm 139:14" by Catherine Garrett

Psalm 139:14

The first time I kissed a girl
my lips and hers were the stone rolling from the tomb of Jesus;
as in I fell down dead for three days // resurrected a new person.
When I came out to me mom,
she said I just appreciate the human body in its beauty // I am the child of an artist,
can appreciate the painting but // am never a part of it.
My sexuality is forget-me-nots,
they love me // they love me not,
he loves me // she loves me not,
she loves me // he wants a threesome.

I am Schrodinger’s Lover,
// only alive between the borders of a Pornhub search. //
My pleasure anyone’s but my own for the highest bidder,
// shackled to the confines of a unicorn //
Mythical creature // only become real
when my name is in someone else’s mouth.

When I come out to my father // he does not believe me;
asks if I am struggling,
// I say no //
want to say I only mentioned her to him in the
// after we broke up. //
He tells me when I date a man again,
I should keep who I love a secret
because they don’t like their women like that.

Straight out of a movie;
// he asks me if I am struggling //
and I do not tell him about the years I spent looking
but not touching.
Growing up in a church //
finding there that unconditional love and unconditional acceptance
are not mutually exclusive,
then allowing myself neither.
I pray and I forget myself and I prayed to forget myself;
and I forget that I’m queer when I’m around my family.

According to the Bible:
I am both fearfully and wonderfully made.
I tell my grandmother // I date girls sometimes,
she does not flinch // tells me she hopes she is alive
to see my wedding one day, whomever it is with.
My grandmother looks at me and says < okay,
I never believed in this before,
but I am lucky enough to be living in the after.
How dare we question something god gave you? >

god // never said anything about gay marriage,
so it is no miracle
when I kiss someone who is not a man,
I do it with fear // and wonder // and wonder and wonder //
but do not question.

Catherine Garrett

Catherine Garrett is a queer line cook turned poet-journalist currently living in Prince George, BC. She was born in Ontario, raised on Haida Gwaii, and went to journalism school in Vancouver. She is currently the associate editor for Dovecote Magazine, and a full time reporter. She has represented Vancouver and Victoria a total of six times on national and international poetry stages, has two self published chapbooks, and really loves hockey. Her work has been featured in Oratorealis, Turnpike Magazine, and Link Magazine.

Headshot: Saskatoon Poetic Arts Festival

Photo Credit: Shayne Schultz